Archive for wicker men

Questions to Ask Before Joining a Coven

Posted in Culture with tags , , , , , , , on January 29, 2015 by vprime

nancycraft
Ladies, these days there are more and more options for harnessing dark forces to your will. While you could seek mastery of the invisible realms on your own, consider the potential benefits of joining a coven. For one thing, coven-based rituals have a greater chance of success since the group effort magnifies the power of everyone’s intentions. Coven work is literally empowering! Your fellow witches are a wonderful resource for learning hexes, bindings, and fun ways of styling your hair for those summer music festivals. Besides, nothing can beat the sense of sisterhood to be found when you and twelve of your besties connect around a bubbling cauldron, just basking in the song of the whippoorwill, the light of the moon and the cries of that persistent newspaper reporter. The right coven can do wonders for your flying ointment, your bread, and your social life, but first you’re going to have to do your research. There’s nothing more awkward than finding yourself the odd witch out in the middle of a crucial Walpurgisnacht when you assume everyone wants honeycakes but half of your coven is gluten-free! Getting to know as much as you can about your potential coven before you commit can save you a lot of time and heartache. Here are some questions that can help you in your search for the perfect coven.

1. What is the coven’s mission statement? Will there be the opportunity for great workings beyond the traditional milk-souring, storm-raising and enaction of mandatory female hiring quotas?
2. Is this a coven where I can materially improve my life through the application of dark powers, or one of those deals where we all just dance around at the Equinox?
3. Does the coven maintain an official grimoire? What are the standard procedures followed should the grimoire be discovered and used by a group of horny teens just out for some fun in an old cabin in the woods?
4. What kind of women do you allow in? Are they cool, or will I have to put up with a lot of conversations about “juicing”?
5. What sort of recruitment efforts does the coven engage in? Are they open to avenues beyond knitting circles, book clubs and ads in the back of MS Magazine?
6. Does the coven operate any of the usual business fronts, such as beekeeping, herbalists or eyebrow threading salons?
7. What are the duties of the High Priestess outside of consorting with the Great Goat and maintaining the coven’s Instagram feed?
8. How are targets and sacrifices identified? Is there a lottery to which coven members can add the names of potential victims or does the coven rely on nosy men stumbling in from the outside world?
9. What is your dress code? Are rituals performed skyclad, in robes or pantsuits? If robes are required, do you provide them? Is there an official outfitter the coven prefers? Are there regulations governing diadems, coronets or other headwear?
10. Where will Sabbats and Esbats take place? If on remote islands, groves or crossroads, will nearby accommodation be available at group rates? How will transportation be handled? If by spectral horses, does the coven have an insurance policy in case of accidents?
11. What is your approach to Necromancy? Is summoning dead musicians for the purpose of, say, dinner party entertainment frowned upon?
12. Who supplies ritual items to the coven? Are there multiple sources for potions, phials and tinctures? Which of the preceding are created in-house? Is there quality-control oversight of the raw materials to ensure the freshness of toads, bats and grave dirt? Does the coven use poppets? Are the wicker men built by coven members or outsourced to contractors?
13. Which sorts of animals are approved familiars? Are there exceptions made for really really cute cats that do this neat thing with their paws where they can hold a little piece of kibble between them but happen not to be black?
14. Can we just, like, talk about shoes for a bit?

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